What truly interests me in a story? In a character? Vid? Fanfic?

I think the major thing is depth. I can be tolerant with a lot of things but I want to know there's more than just the shallow (unless that's what I'm looking for and thats not usually what I'm truly invested in). I may be the only one seeing it but that's why its personal. I want to look at something and be amazed at how complex it really is. I might have only a vague notion of it but I know it runs deep. Inside I can see layers upon layers of tunnels, twists, mazes that never end and are all connected. The fun part is to try to capture those specific little pieces and then frame them all into the bigger picture.

It's like a cycle. First I feel that overwhelming feeling of knowing that this depth exists. Thats when I'm seeing the whole thing. Then I try to find this complexity and investigate all the small bits of it. Gradually they interconnect together and finally I'm back where I began, amazed at how it all fits together into one big whole. I've never quite deciphered it all but the best thing is that it doesn't need to be. That mystery is what makes it even better and more interesting.

For example, one of the characters I love the most, Lex is exactly like this for me. Anyone on a journey from good to bad must have to be pretty complex. And he completly is. Sure, I love the outside image he presents but I'm really drawn to him because I know there is so much there, under the surface. He has so many phases in his life, the scared little kid, the rebellious youth and now the ambitious buisness man. He blurs these transitions as he fights to stop the inevitable phase of evil villian. But through it all I can always find so much in him and its always interesting. He just makes me feel that there is always more to him, that his being is like a black hole, an infinite universe that I can never fully explore, but I want to try.

In vids I also want to have that. No matter what it is, if I feel there is more under the surface, I'll keep watching endlessly until I figure it out. A vid example of this is Superstar by heres_luck What got to me in this vid is how deeply it goes into Faith, into her psyche. I'm totally drawn in, I want to know more but I can never fully know. Which of course, always leads me back for more. The vid itself is extremely complex as well, it equally matches the character study and reinforces it. The technical mastery and artistic beauty is beautiful and there is always more to it. I keep watching the vid and finding all the little things that make it so good. But it always leads back to the overall effect it has.

Another vid that gets to me is Haunted by Seah and Margie, at Seah and Margie's Vids. I have no knowledge of the fandom and that made it a bit confusing but I was sucked in by how interesting it seemed. And then came the ultimate: Big Emotion. Helped by the song but the visuals and build up made it even more prominent. I truly felt how deep the emotion was and it sent me soaring, to a place I could go and explore and never get tired of it and there is always more there to discover. I want to feel deeply and that is exactly what i got, not shallow feeling, but the real, genuine thing. That's what pulls me into these worlds.

The same thing goes for fics. katallison amazes me with the depth of her Highlander fics (havent read the rest of the fics yet) and I can read her stories over and over again. For example, One for the Road I love because of all the little things put in the story. Nothing was random, or at least I have to believe that. Because in every detail, in every part, it expresses something that speaks to the larger meaning. For me, the interesting part that I love is trying to discover it all. Oh and for Big Emotion goodness, The Parting Glass gets to me in a way that few things have ever done to me. With this I identify so strongly that I know its touching all the emotional centers in me and it turns the tables on me, so that I am the subject. Now I can even see the complex inside of me. And that to me is what all these art forms are supposed to do, to reveal something new inside myself and give me a new understanding of myself and the world. That occurs especially in the fic, Strata which I loved the most for its theme and how deeply it resonated with me. And since this is quickly turning into a rec, I say, go off and read the fics now, here at Kat Allison's Fic.

Really, all I want is that depth. That's what I'm searching for and will continue to journey down those infinite paths.

The title of this journal is Defying Gravity. There is a reason for this.

I have always wanted to fly. It is a deep desire of mine that I have a craving to fulfill. Unfortunately gravity has always stood in my way. But this goes beyond my physical self being in the air or not. Gravity is more of what is holding me down. It is what keeps me grounded to this concrete world rather than letting me stay in my preferred world, up in the world of possibilities, of imagination, of things which are not describable. Not only that but there is a feeling of flying, a feeling that is very intense and mystical that I love to experience. I want to delve into this world and enjoy its wonders. So I must be everything I am to defy gravity and become a soul who can truly fly.