anoel: anoel lioness (glee quote = love)
Anoel ([personal profile] anoel) wrote2013-10-10 10:09 pm
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Glee 503..."I always thought I'd see you again"

Some thoughts on Glee along with thoughts about my mom:

I knew this was going to be hard to watch. It airs on the same week with my mom's birthday and then mine tomorrow which is going to be extra hard not being able to talk to my mom. My mom was a big fan of Glee, thanks to me. She loved Sue the most but enjoyed the other characters too and especially the music. Anyways it was hard to hear about Cory Monteith so soon after my mom's death and on the day I watched Fruitvale Station. That movie was similar to how I felt watching this episode of Glee, the worst parts of the movie was just physically painful feeling my heart was going to rip out of my chest and I'd do anything to not have it happen. And the rest was just a lot of crying. Thankfully [personal profile] nikibee and Inori were there along with me so I wasn't alone.

I really loved Finn through the early seasons of Glee and even though in later seasons I was frustrated with how the writers handled his character and Finn/Rachel, I couldn't help but still like him. I met Cory at the Barnes and Noble at The Grove getting Glee's first CD signed. I had gotten there early in the morning to get a good spot and everyone else in the cast had been nice signing the CD. Cory was last in line and he went beyond nice and the usual celebrity signing. He let me say something to him about him/the show and was so thankful and kept saying nice things and was just SO HAPPY to be there and so grateful to me and everyone else. Out of everyone there, I was most impressed by him and how genuinely kind he was. Later when I went to the premiere of the Glee Concert 3D movie, he was the same way. Out of the main cast members, he spent the most time signing autographs and talking to the fans. He was always smiling and just so generous and grateful. It's such a loss to the world that he's gone.

The episode was a beautiful reminder of the good things that Finn was and the great qualities Cory infused into his character. So much of the characters' reactions were mixed up in my own of losing my mom as well as we'll as losing Finn and Cory so that it was all a giant pile of sadness. I felt so bad for Kurt who loved him romantically and then as a brother (or both if you're me haha) and remembered when they first did their duet assignment together and then later when Finn sang and danced with him. I wish Kurt has sung a song for him but that was one of the few complaints I had. I loved that most of the cast members came back and I understand why Lea didn't come back until the end. I loved Seasons of Love because I listened to that song and a few other Rent songs on the plane back from my mom's funeral and it means a lot to me be because I loved that movie so much in high school.

The scene that killed me the most was the one with Carol and Burt and Kurt. I didn't even think of what it must have been like for Carol and her words really resonated with me in how I feel about my mom. I haven't felt that physical hurt for my mom in a couple months so that just hurt like a motherfucker (/Michael Scott). And Burt's one more hug thing just hurt so much because even though in the last time I saw my mom in person was in the airport and we got to hug and everything, I still want another hug, another time to say ILU. And then Kurt holding onto the jacket, just yes, I want so badly something to hold onto that the jacket made so real. I really liked that they showed Santana and Puck's anger and allowed them to have a storyline that reflected their character. Rachel...god all I can think of is Lea being engaged to Cory and the hurt she must feel and my own hurt at not having the person I thought would be there for me. So yeah, then that destroyed me again especially with that beautiful song choice.

I thought it was a really wonderful tribute to Finn and Cory as well. I still can't believe it's not a show death and he really actually died. It's still hard to believe with my mom as well. I keep thinking of that horrible phone call finding out about it. I think of my mom every day and just miss the little things where she was there for me or her little quirks. I feel like I never realized how much I love her until she died, like I'd say it and mean it but not understand the depth of feeling behind it. There's just this giant emptiness that can never be filled or replaced. The only good thing in all of this is my family is coming together more and hopefully we'll try harder to stay in touch and hang out in real life more. I've been doing a lot more reflecting on my life and what I want out of it and it just reminds me that the most important things to me is to spend time with the amazing people in my life and to create the best work I can to make the world better. I don't want to waste the life my mom gave me and to honor her in death by being the best person I can be.

In conclusion, thank you to Cory and Finn who made my life so much better and happier through their work and genuine caring.

In other news, Vegas has been awesome so far! I've had a lot of fun hanging out with Bay Area fans and talking about fandom and life. We went to a Penn and Teller show on Wednesday and today I went to the Strasophere and rode the ride at the top and then rode the New York, New York roller coaster. Tomorrow is my birthday and the first day of the con so I can't wait!

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