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End of the Year 2018 Meme
I do this meme every year and I'm not about to stop that now as it's cool to be able to go back to these and see how my year was.
Brief end of year update: I've found an excellent babysitting situation that I'm happy with (I really love working with kids most of the time) and I'm still doing freelancing work and working on my online business (slowly but will ramp up next year). My anti-depressants are still working energy/productivity wise and usually I'm happy but I'm still struggling with loneliness occasionally and am working on finding a solution to it (more later). I've started doing rock climbing and ninja warrior training at a local gym since September and I've made a LOT of progress. I've reconnected with a fandom friend and we're pretty close now even though she lives far away and have continued to enjoy visiting my cousin and kids and other family close by NYC. I'm taking a break from vidding (besides a TGIF/F vid) to focus on work stuff but still enjoy keeping up with fannish social media although my fannish interests mostly only align with femslash fandom (I'm over most guys) except for The Good Place.
Speaking of, I am going to be in LA from 2/14-2/24th including being at TGIF/F and hanging by the Escapade hotel during the con. Let me know if you want to make plans to hang out if you'll be in LA around that time!
1. What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?
Found anti-depressants that actually worked (esp in terms of energy/productivity), completed half of a real American Ninja Warrior obstacle (wingnuts), climbed up a 5.9 rock climbing route, got a regular paid babysitting job (both full time and part time), had an edible (actually two and one was so strong that it was an amazing surreal experience) and went to Wiscon.
2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't date as much as I wanted (depression again messed that up and then busy with career stuff). However, I did successfully find a way to exercise regularly 3x a week in the last four months (rock climbing/ninja training). My NYR are to make more money and not expect/want more time with people who don't want to hang out with me which just leads to frustration and sadness.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No but my cousin is having her fourth (!!!) baby next year.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My great aunt who my middle name is named after. Also Vividcon actually died but I made my peace with it.
5. What countries did you visit?
None but I'm cool with that.
6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?
Someone to love with all my heart and soul.
7. What date from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Completing my first 5.9 rock climbing route and the first part of the American Ninja Warrior wingnuts obstacle on the same day. Also the day I found out that I got my first full time babysitting job.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Like last year, staying alive but in particular, finding a long term solution in terms of getting the right med dosage.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not making more money and finding a romantic relationship/local close friends.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Severe depression.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My new car (financing it) which I love. Also fun times at TGIF/F&LA, Wiscon and VVC. Gifts for kids <3
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Close friends and family who helped keep me going including financial help when I needed it.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Trump (and supporters) and all the sickening trans and immigration stuff.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, food, vacations/cons, public transportation/car, gifts for kids.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Babysitting my favorite kids, cons, getting jobs I wanted
16. What song will always remind you of 2018?
[Redacted] vidsong, Higher Than Here by James Morrison
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Happier (much more!)
ii. Thinner or fatter? Thinner :) Currently at my lowest adult weight which includes muscle gains.
iii. Richer or poorer? Richer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Rock climbing/ninja stuff (wish I had started in January) and making more money.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being depressed and lonely (ie numbness and crying a lot).
20. How did you spend Christmas?
I went out to eat with my dad and brother, finished up a present for my dad (featuring nostalgic photos) watched a lot of basketball and did some reading.
21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
I went out to a party with a queer woman I met online and had a fun time dancing and talking together.
22. Did you fall in love in 2018?
In a weird, complicated way, yes.
23. How many one-night stands?
None sadly, nothing worked out in that respect.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Killing Eve and The Good Place.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, I'm over hating people.
26. What was the best book you read?
Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire and Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Struts!!! They are an amaaaazing rock n' roll band that combines a classic sound (Queen, Rolling Stones) with the more electronic current rock sound. I got to see them in concert and they were amazing as their lead singer reminds me some of Adam Lambert (he looks like Freddie Mercury too).
28. What did you want and get?
Anti-depressants that (mostly) work, weight loss, rock climbing/ninja skills, fun times with kids, figuring out what I want to do with my life (mostly).
29. What did you want and not get?
A real romantic relationship, more money in a job I love, more local close friendships.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Black Panther, Ocean's 8 and A Simple Favor.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Ate cake, relaxed, worked and spent an amazing evening with found family. I was 31 and it was nice for it to not be a big deal. I actually finally made my peace with turning 30 in the last year which was wonderful.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Either finding a romantic relationship or making a lot more money. Really, just having meds that worked starting at the beginning of the year.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
Comfy pants with zippers, t-shirt and hoodie (big, long warm winter coat sometimes).
34. What kept you sane?
Love for my close friends and family and kids.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Cate Blanchett with a side of Blake Lively in suits.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I ignore most of it but the trans stuff and immigration stuff were terrible to hear about even a little bit.
37. Who did you miss?
Certain friends, certain kids and my mom.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
No specifics but new people from TGIF/F, Wiscon, VVC. Also a mom I babysit for has been great to get to know.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018.
If you don't have the energy, productivity, happiness, etc of your younger self when you liked how you were: GET ANTI-DEPRESSANT MEDS!!! And go up to the highest dose (if side effects allow) to see if a med works before giving up. And accept who you are even if it isn't what you envisioned - look for what brings the most happiness and meaning in your life.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
It's like waking up and the old you is dead
How'd this new life get inside of your head
These thoughts ,these words are rippin' you up
Identity shredded and reformed into what
You take control and let them lead you to
What you know you were meant to do
You know that something's got you hooked!
If you are still wondering what you want to do with your life/working on getting a job you like, let me know as I am working on a business related to that topic and might be able to help in the coming year. It's always free for fannish friends :)
Brief end of year update: I've found an excellent babysitting situation that I'm happy with (I really love working with kids most of the time) and I'm still doing freelancing work and working on my online business (slowly but will ramp up next year). My anti-depressants are still working energy/productivity wise and usually I'm happy but I'm still struggling with loneliness occasionally and am working on finding a solution to it (more later). I've started doing rock climbing and ninja warrior training at a local gym since September and I've made a LOT of progress. I've reconnected with a fandom friend and we're pretty close now even though she lives far away and have continued to enjoy visiting my cousin and kids and other family close by NYC. I'm taking a break from vidding (besides a TGIF/F vid) to focus on work stuff but still enjoy keeping up with fannish social media although my fannish interests mostly only align with femslash fandom (I'm over most guys) except for The Good Place.
Speaking of, I am going to be in LA from 2/14-2/24th including being at TGIF/F and hanging by the Escapade hotel during the con. Let me know if you want to make plans to hang out if you'll be in LA around that time!
1. What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?
Found anti-depressants that actually worked (esp in terms of energy/productivity), completed half of a real American Ninja Warrior obstacle (wingnuts), climbed up a 5.9 rock climbing route, got a regular paid babysitting job (both full time and part time), had an edible (actually two and one was so strong that it was an amazing surreal experience) and went to Wiscon.
2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't date as much as I wanted (depression again messed that up and then busy with career stuff). However, I did successfully find a way to exercise regularly 3x a week in the last four months (rock climbing/ninja training). My NYR are to make more money and not expect/want more time with people who don't want to hang out with me which just leads to frustration and sadness.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No but my cousin is having her fourth (!!!) baby next year.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My great aunt who my middle name is named after. Also Vividcon actually died but I made my peace with it.
5. What countries did you visit?
None but I'm cool with that.
6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?
Someone to love with all my heart and soul.
7. What date from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Completing my first 5.9 rock climbing route and the first part of the American Ninja Warrior wingnuts obstacle on the same day. Also the day I found out that I got my first full time babysitting job.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Like last year, staying alive but in particular, finding a long term solution in terms of getting the right med dosage.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not making more money and finding a romantic relationship/local close friends.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Severe depression.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My new car (financing it) which I love. Also fun times at TGIF/F&LA, Wiscon and VVC. Gifts for kids <3
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Close friends and family who helped keep me going including financial help when I needed it.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Trump (and supporters) and all the sickening trans and immigration stuff.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, food, vacations/cons, public transportation/car, gifts for kids.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Babysitting my favorite kids, cons, getting jobs I wanted
16. What song will always remind you of 2018?
[Redacted] vidsong, Higher Than Here by James Morrison
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Happier (much more!)
ii. Thinner or fatter? Thinner :) Currently at my lowest adult weight which includes muscle gains.
iii. Richer or poorer? Richer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Rock climbing/ninja stuff (wish I had started in January) and making more money.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being depressed and lonely (ie numbness and crying a lot).
20. How did you spend Christmas?
I went out to eat with my dad and brother, finished up a present for my dad (featuring nostalgic photos) watched a lot of basketball and did some reading.
21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
I went out to a party with a queer woman I met online and had a fun time dancing and talking together.
22. Did you fall in love in 2018?
In a weird, complicated way, yes.
23. How many one-night stands?
None sadly, nothing worked out in that respect.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Killing Eve and The Good Place.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, I'm over hating people.
26. What was the best book you read?
Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire and Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Struts!!! They are an amaaaazing rock n' roll band that combines a classic sound (Queen, Rolling Stones) with the more electronic current rock sound. I got to see them in concert and they were amazing as their lead singer reminds me some of Adam Lambert (he looks like Freddie Mercury too).
28. What did you want and get?
Anti-depressants that (mostly) work, weight loss, rock climbing/ninja skills, fun times with kids, figuring out what I want to do with my life (mostly).
29. What did you want and not get?
A real romantic relationship, more money in a job I love, more local close friendships.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Black Panther, Ocean's 8 and A Simple Favor.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Ate cake, relaxed, worked and spent an amazing evening with found family. I was 31 and it was nice for it to not be a big deal. I actually finally made my peace with turning 30 in the last year which was wonderful.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Either finding a romantic relationship or making a lot more money. Really, just having meds that worked starting at the beginning of the year.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
Comfy pants with zippers, t-shirt and hoodie (big, long warm winter coat sometimes).
34. What kept you sane?
Love for my close friends and family and kids.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Cate Blanchett with a side of Blake Lively in suits.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I ignore most of it but the trans stuff and immigration stuff were terrible to hear about even a little bit.
37. Who did you miss?
Certain friends, certain kids and my mom.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
No specifics but new people from TGIF/F, Wiscon, VVC. Also a mom I babysit for has been great to get to know.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018.
If you don't have the energy, productivity, happiness, etc of your younger self when you liked how you were: GET ANTI-DEPRESSANT MEDS!!! And go up to the highest dose (if side effects allow) to see if a med works before giving up. And accept who you are even if it isn't what you envisioned - look for what brings the most happiness and meaning in your life.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
It's like waking up and the old you is dead
How'd this new life get inside of your head
These thoughts ,these words are rippin' you up
Identity shredded and reformed into what
You take control and let them lead you to
What you know you were meant to do
You know that something's got you hooked!
If you are still wondering what you want to do with your life/working on getting a job you like, let me know as I am working on a business related to that topic and might be able to help in the coming year. It's always free for fannish friends :)
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p.s. KILLING EVEEEEEEEEEEEE
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And, yay, for finding the right depression meds! That's such a big thing! I hope 2019 is a great year for you!
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Thanks and yeah, the depression meds really changed almost everything for me. It's sooo great to have confidence and energy and real happiness again!
I hope the year is starting out well for you and that it goes great!
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This is so true, especially the part about accepting yourself as you are. Self-improvement is a good thing but I wish more people could be at ease with who they are in this moment, even if for just that moment. There is so much unhappiness and sadness and bad stuff in the world that being content for even a moment sometimes seems impossible.
I hope you're doing good. <3
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